Government Scientists Demand Repeal of Laws of Physics, Claim They Don't Take Global Warming Seriously Enough
Mathematical Laws Could Be Under Fire As Well

(Washington, DC) While most people think of the laws of physics as immutable entities that cannot be changed or argued away, some scientists disagree. Many of them applaud the recent report released by the British Government which they claim closes the scientific debate on global warming.

How then do they answer charges that the computer models used to calculate the catastrophic effects of global warming due to anthropogenic CO2 used in this report are not only unrealistic in their reproductions of past and present climate, but give physically unlikely results for future effects as well?

"Obviously Nature is wrong," says Dr. J. Hinsen of NASA's Project EarthScare. "We've put thousands of hours into programming these models and hundreds of thousands of dollars into running them, so they must be right. Plus, they confirmed every preconception we had about the effects of increased atmospheric CO2, and we're very knowledgeable and educated people. How many Ph.D.s does Nature have?"

When asked about the mathematical theorems governing nonlinear systems which would tend to invalidate the long term predictions of any climate model, Dr. Hinson responded by putting his fingers in his ears and repeatedly chanting, "Nah, nah, nah, I can't hear you."

Dr. K. Bentrerth had stronger words. "Look, we know that human emissions are causing global warming and that there will be catastrophic results unless climate modelers like myself are given much more money to keep the public scare....., I mean informed so that they don't object to paying more for everything. If the laws of physics won't back us up on this, they'll just have to be changed. After all, we're facing a crisis here and we can't hold on to these antiquated notions that just get in the way of my new found publicity and funding and really cool new friends. Al Gore called me 'Keith' yesterday. My name's really Kevin, but it's a start."

"The bottom line," says Dr. Cutie Jurry of Georgia Tech, "is that physical laws are only useful insofar as they agree with what we say reality is. If they start to provide ammunition for skeptics, they have to go."